So I come into work today. I was called in last night. Wasn't scheduled originally, but this was going to make things easier for the music department, where I work a lot. It was a lot of work, but I didn't have a problem with it. It actually felt pretty good. I got to work with someone I enjoy working with and the time pretty much flew by, even when my back would hurt from bending over again and again.
Near the end of the shift, (actually a little after the end, I had started a small project and wanted to finish it before I left) my coworker compliments me, saying that I worked hard and that she's glad I came in. She says, "you're a rock star." Just kind of the sort of thing she says. I smiled and probably would have kind of hemmed and hawed about it, not really a big deal. But then one of my managers, one I actually really like working with, was apparently leaving to go to lunch through the music department. She overheard this, and not a second after my coworker said it, my manager says "He's not a rock star. Don't tell him that."
Suddenly it feels like my heart has just been kicked into a pit, and it fills in the words 'He doesn't deserve it.'
I know she meant it as a joke, but it just felt horrible to have a compliment ripped away like that. I'm pretty quick to throw myself under the bus as it is, I didn't really need the help. So now the good feeling from before is gone and it feels as though everything is just dragging now. And I can't help the thought from appearing, "What if I'm right? That everyone does hate me, and I'm just a fucking loser who does nothing but get in the way."
And I don't know what to do now. Because normally that manager and I are always ribbing each other, taking pot shots at the other, and it's all in good humor. I don't care, because we're just fucking around, having a little fun to make the shift go faster. But this felt like I was handed a really meaningful gift, only to have it ripped out of my hands before I could even feel its weight.